Bullying in school and the community

       Bullying, violence, schools and society

The transformation of the ethnic composition in Canadian society is ongoing. Our schools are changing and our classrooms are international.  Educators, teachers, and parents need to come to terms with the diverse nature of our education system. Canadian society is multicultural and the education system should prepare our citizens to cope with the national and global realities.

Reasons why ASSIMILATION is important

·         All humans are members of a single species, there are no biologically meaningful subspecies within it.  The concept of races, are social constructs corresponding to no biological reality.

·         Differences between human populations are entirely the product of the social environment.

·         Racism in all cultures and ethnocentrism are irrational with dysfunctional attitudes, to which certain rigid, authoritarian types of personality are especially prone. Such attitudes must be challenged by promoting equal status between groups.

Racial inequality and sexual politics in Canada dates back to the original contact between the European colonizers and the Natives who were the first people in the country. The Europeans quickly established their political and economic dominance and the Natives soon came under the direct control of the European colonial powers.  The British and the French emerged as the dominant national groups, while the natives were pushed onto the reserves and subjected to discrimination while being denied access to economic and political power.

By controlling immigration policies, both the English and French consolidated their cultural and institutional dominance. They determined which groups would be allowed entry, where they would settle, what jobs should be allocated, and which languages should be spoken.  English Canadians offered preferred status to immigrants from Britain and Northern and Western Europe, who were culturally and socially similar, while the less preferred ethnic groups, mostly from southern Europe, Asia, and Central America, took low occupational and social roles.

Until 1962, the Canadian Immigration Act openly discriminated against non-white immigrants. In 1967, changes in immigration laws altered composition, resulting in a multiracial society, but the stratification system has not been significantly changed. Despite a reduction in ethnic inequality, immigrants from warmer climates continue to exhibit lower socioeconomic status.

 The school system plays a pivotal role in addressing the issue of youth violence & bullying, because of the potential for reaching a large number of children.  Teachers are ideally positioned to identify children who have social, emotional, behavioural, and academic problems that may require special assistance. Much can be done within the school system to reduce aggressive and violent behaviour among children and youth and to increase and promote pro-social responses to conflict.

School based violence does not manifest itself in the same form and to the same degree in all school districts. As a result, these differences will necessitate developing policies that are individualized to the needs of the particular school board.

Considerations when designing a prevention school-based violence policy

(a)   A school board’s violence prevention policy should be internally consistent; the various statements, procedures, and provisions should relate to each other to form a unified document. For example, if a school board has an elaborately detailed policy concerning weapons, e.g., defining what constitutes a weapon, outlining the consequences for an infraction, and so forth. There should also be a policy concerning less sever behaviours such as intimidation/bullying/threats, harassment, and fighting.  Policies should build up from the less to the more serious behaviours, otherwise, the policy as a whole appears disjointed.

(b)   In addition to being internally consistent, policies should be congruent with programs. For example, if a conflict resolution program is implemented within a board’s schools, this preventative approach to dealing with school violence and promoting social skills should be reflected within the board’s policy documents.

(c)    Policies should be comprehensive in order to address the various aspects of school-based violence. For example, programs could be targeted toward ;

-          The school “community” and student body as a whole (e.g., conflict resolution, curriculum-based programs, promoting a positive school climate and academic excellence.

-          Teachers (e.g. staff development)

-          Identified students (counselling and support services, social skills training, alternative –to-suspension programs)

-          Victims of violence  (e.g. aftermath services, protocols for responding to emergency situations)

-          The community outside the school (e.g. police liaison programs, involvement of community groups in the development of violence prevention policy).

-          Board policies should have a community focus. The causes of youth violence are many and often lie outside the purview of the school system. Partnerships between schools and community groups must be developed for concerted, sustained, and comprehensive violence prevention efforts to occur.

-          School boards should have supplemental programs for students who are disruptive, aggressive, and violent. These programs should be supportive and corrective rather than punitive, demoralizing, and inflexible.  There will always be a group of students who require specialized services such as social skills, self-control, anger management training, and individual counselling and therapy. Placing students in special education and behaviour classrooms is often not sufficient to address the range of needs for some students or for students with disruptive behaviour be placed in a regular classroom setting. As well, programs targeted to the entire school community may not be effective with a growing population.

Supplemental programs may be provided either internally, using the school board’s own resources, or through the services of a community-based social services agency that specializes in dealing with difficult children and youth. E.g.  Provincial mental health programs, non-profit societies, etc.

  Why  you should nominate and vote for me for Vancouver School Board Trustee

On Saturday November 15, 2014, Vancouver will be voting for Mayor, city counsellors and School trustees. The difficult question is who are these people, and who should I vote for?  

In politics the gap between promises and delivery is one of the reasons there is so much cynicism. Opposition parties draw as much attention as they can to a government’s shortcomings, while media coverage may also focus on unfulfilled promises. In such situations people become disenchanted and look for simple explanations.

The fact is, we need passionate people to be elected in a position that requires not only knowledge, but vision, creativity, and passion. That’s why I am seeking nomination and seeking your support.

My priorities include;

1. Ensure all students receive top quality education with high standards

2. Parents, students, and community engagement

3.Financial management and promotion of current social and commercial educational needs. This will translate into business and employment opportunities for graduating students.    

                     

School Trustees and stewardship

Every sector of society is constantly in the process of reform. Government reform and education reform, as well as all other organizations, are always packaged in economic terms first.  Although the real issues are far more serious, our schools and other agencies are under financial scrutiny. All organizations continue to search for the latest programs and ideas to reduce cost.

 A budget crisis usually means the organization is failing in its core purpose. As a result, it is unable to serve its constituents or the society as a whole. And if it is unable to serve its constituents, that means it has failed to serve its own internal workings. The way organizations move forward (in this case a school board), has to do with the definition of purpose or governance. Governance recognizes the political nature of our environment, and hope for genuine organizational reform, resides in how we each define purpose, and balance the budget.

Education and society

It’s not that some cultures are smarter but that some people are not given the opportunity to learn.

Data spanning over 3000 years shows that education can take many forms and serve many needs.  Over time, instruction of the young shifted from parents and skilled adults to institutional settings such as royal courts and temples, each with its own standardized body of knowledge. Schools with prescribed curricula and appointed teachers were founded for various purposes to transmit knowledge and information, social values, and useful technical skills. The purpose was also to socialize individuals to particular roles.

In North America by the second half of the 19^th century, the selective preparation of the elite members of society had evolved into more inclusive systems of education.

One of the most significant phenomena of the 20^th century was the dramatic expansion of public education systems (government-sponsored).

In the early 19^th century the education system in Canada, was much the same as it was in England; it was provided through the efforts of religious and philanthropic organizations and dominated by the Church of England. Although there was overlap among types of schools, there are records of parish schools, charity schools, Sunday schools, and monitored schools for the common people. The institutional method was a rudimentary combination of religious instruction and literacy skills.

More advanced education was limited to the upper social classes and was given in Latin grammar schools, or in private schools with various curricular extensions on the classical base. Until about 1870 public systems of education emerged, accommodating religious interests in a state framework. Public support was won for the common school, leading toward universal elementary education. Secondary and higher education began to assume a public character. Local responsibility and authority was elaborated in the respective provinces.

The federal government has maintained and supported the education of armed-forces personnel. Research and development in higher education are promoted directly through grants from national research councils for social sciences and humanities. Grants are also available for natural sciences, engineering, medicine, and the arts.

In 2002 the Legislative Assembly of British Columbia published a report from its Standing Committee on Education. It outlined a vision for the renewal of education and the public consensus about the importance of education to the economic prospects and social welfare of both the individual learner and society. Many of the accounts emphasized that learners should have an opportunity to accomplish their intellectual, social, individual, and vocational development. It was also suggested that emphasis should be given to preparing learners to meet the province’s human resource needs and that there should be a closer link between work opportunities and schooling, particularly at the secondary and post-secondary levels.

This shows the belief in the intrinsic worth of education, suggesting that it is better to be well educated than to be poorly educated. Further, it reflected societal beliefs that an educated individual has considerable social and economic value for the self and thus for society.

Schools in British Columbia 

In 2014 according to “The Mandate of the British Columbia School System,” the purpose is to enable learners to develop their individual potential and to acquire the knowledge, skills, and attitudes needed to contribute to a healthy society and a prosperous and sustainable economy.

In the secondary schools it’s common to have a two day rotation that consists of 4 courses per day. If students fail an individual subject they still move on to the next grade level in subjects they pass. Some courses are required in order to graduate both at the school level and other courses require provincial exams in order to graduate.

The curriculum and learning standards are mandated by the Ministry of Education. The key principles include the following:

(a)    Learning involves the active participation of the individual student.

(b)   Learning takes place in a variety of ways and at different rates.

(c)    Learning is both an individual and group process.

Looking at the BC School System Values and Beliefs

-          Learning takes place in different ways and at different rates

-          Learning is both an individual and social process

-          Everyone can learn - and learn together

-          Play is an important way to learn

-          Group work is an integral part of school work

-          The amount of homework learners are given depends on their ages

-          Oral language development is an important part of learning

-          Students usually move through elementary school with children who are the same age

-          Learning how to learn and how to gain access information are considered critical skills

-          Letter grades are based on much more than test results

Different age groups

Kindergarten

-          No letter grades are given

-          Learning is play based

-          The focus is on developing social skills and basic concepts

Grades 1 to 3

-          No letter grades are given

-          Learning is theme based

-          Literacy skills are developed using many books rather than specific textbooks

-          The focus is on building oral language, vocabulary and on developing reading and writing skills

-          Usually one teacher for all subject areas

-          Development is focused on five areas: intellectual, physical, social, artistic, and emotional

Grades 4 to 7

-          Letter grades are usually given

-          There is often more than one teacher

-          Students begin to use textbooks, as well as other sources of information

-          More of a focus on reading and writing skills

-          Oral language and group work

-          Students given more responsibility for their own learning and conduct

Grades 8 to 12

-          Students may have 8 subjects and 8 teachers

-          Given greater responsibility for self-sufficiency and responsibility

Education may be defined as the process of training and developing the knowledge, skill, mind and character, by formal training. 

In general it is a form of learning in which the knowledge, skills, and habits of a group of people are transferred from one generation to the next through teaching, training, and research.  A right to education has not been recognized by all governments. Although, at the global level, Article 13 of the United Nations’1966 International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights recognizes the right of everyone to an education. 

Scholars and Universities

 In the fifth century, barbarian invasions and unpredictable climate changes swept away much of the culture of antiquity. Books and the written word held little interest for fighting men hungry for land, bent on pillage and instant gratification. Only the monasteries preserved the writings of the saints and a few Greek and Latin manuscripts that had been rescued from destruction. The monks copied the texts in elegant manuscripts, destined for the treasuries of the churches rather than for general reading. Books were precious, in the same way a silver plate or golden chalice were. Nevertheless, under Charlemagne’s rule, 768 AD – 814, written culture was revived.  The empire needed men who could read and write legal texts. But it only affected the elite belonging to the palace.

It was not until the twelfth century that a new Western culture began to take form. Population growth, expansion of trade, and the building of towns stimulated the exchange and movement of ideas. Men of learning, enriched by a knowledge of Greek and Arabic texts, rediscovered the authors of antiquity. They absorbed the new thinking alongside the lessons of the Bible and the teachings of the founding fathers of Christianity. Nurtured by this new culture, the masters changed their behavior and attitudes.

In Paris, Oxford, Bologna, and all over Europe, universities were created, linked to the growth of towns and cities. Unlike the monastery schools, where the teaching was often rigid, they were true centers of learning, attended by students from far and wide.

The Latin word universitas means “guild,” and the masters, who were both teachers and scholars, banded together to form guilds to protect their rights. They lived on the money their students paid for lessons. Some were followed from town to town and were regarded as true masters of thinking. Some universities were more highly regarded than others and some became specialized.

Education often consisted of a study of texts and “disputes” on their meaning, questions and interrogations on their hidden significance. Seated on a dais, the master read aloud, commented, and gave answers. Opposite him sat the students, who were often poor. They had no permanent home and they went from town to town to get what education they could. Sometimes, to earn a living, they worked as jugglers or clowns, begged or stole.

In the thirteenth century, as the universities became organized, the wondering scholars became fewer in number and the bands of lively witted travelers and vagabonds faded away. They were succeeded by students who were better off or given financial assistance by charitable institutions. One of the first such institutions was the college founded by Robert de Sorbon 1253, in Paris, which was to grow into the Sorbonne, the present day University of Paris.

Alongside oral lessons, the basis of teaching became the written word. The authors of the syllabus had to be read by both masters and students, and records were kept of the professors’ lectures. The book, once a luxury item, became a manual, a tool. Paper-making processes improved, books became smaller, abbreviations and a modern script came into use.  Reeds were replaced by quill pens, which made it possible to copy manuscripts more speedily.

The university consisted of four independent faculties and prescribed a complicated examination system that regulated the allocation of grades.  The arts faculty taught a six year course and granted a bachelor’s degree. The specialized faculties, law and medicine, granted the students a doctor’s degree.  Theology, which was regarded the most “noble” discipline, demanded from 15 to 16 additional years of study. 

A new form of study also developed alongside the teachings of the Church.

During the intellectual renaissance of the twelfth century, the Arabs served as intermediaries. Moslem schools and libraries were filled with the works of ancient Greece. These manuscripts travelled from the East through Italy and Spain to the West. Some original Arabic texts, Arabic versions of Greek texts, and original Greek texts were translated with the help of Spanish Christians who had lived under Moslem rule. Research, logic, and science made enormous progress by contact with Euclid’s mathematical works, Aristotle’s philosophy, and Hippocrates’ writings on medicine. In addition, the Arabs made their own contribution, including the writing of modern numerals and subjects such as algebra, agronomy (the science of crop production), and alchemy. The Koran was also translated and amended by order of Pierre the Venerable, Abbot of Cluny.

In Canada, the Association of Universities and Colleges, with its presidents, held its first meeting in 1911. They gathered in Montreal to discuss what questions should be raised, when they attend a meeting of the Congress of Empire Universities held the following year in London.

In 1915, the presidents, with 26 representatives from 18 universities, met again to discuss common problems, which they had recognized as a need for a national organization to exchange information. By 1917 the group had become formalized and as named the National Conference of Canadian Universities. It is described as “the voice and conscience of Canada’s institutions of higher learning.” The Association of Universities and Colleges of Canada was incorporated by the Canadian Parliament in 1965.

Through various organizational structures and names, the association continues to provide leadership for higher education in Canada and abroad.

In regards to the Canadian Aboriginal population, only 8 percent of the people aged 25 to 64 have a university degree while 23 percent of non-aboriginals of the same age group have a university degree. Another issue is more than one-third of Aboriginal people have not completed high school, and federal funding to support Aboriginal students attending a postsecondary institution has increased only two percent a year since 1996 while tuition has increased at an average of 4.4 percent a year since 1998.

Dr. Larry J. Falls, Ed. D., ACS

Community engagement is a major factor in education. According to the Association of Universities and Colleges of Canada, through collaboration, universities and communities make each other stronger. Community-engaged research tackles social challenges, improves healthcare and solves environmental problems. University outreach activities address local needs. And business partnerships fuel prosperity.

At the same time, a community’s unique culture, economy and assets,help shape the research, curriculum and service commitment of a university.

Donate to Dr. Larry Falls school board trustee nomination

Coping with stress and work

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• There are times when we look around ourselves and we recognize that various parts of our character have different personalities. We can do goodness, or we can choose to cause harm to others. It is a choice we make in our day-to-day communications or transaction. This transaction occurs when two or more people encounter each other…sooner or later one person will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. The person will then say something or do something which is in some way related to the original speaker. This form of transactional analysis suggests “I do something to you and you do something back,” it also determines which part of the personality the first speaker is using and how it can influence others for good or bad. For example, you are on a new job and your new supervisor tells you that there are certain things expected of you, and if you don’t follow the rules you are fired. The next day a colleague of the supervisor keeps watching you as you work without offering an explanation. Although you arrive bright and early for work, your supervisor accuses you of being late because you were not seen by him. The third day you’re told by the supervisor’s friend you are no longer required for work.
• In the form of Transactional Analysis we can organize the information derived from such behaviour and see the good or negative results the person projects. As you watch and listen to people you can see them change. There are simultaneous changes in facial expression, vocabulary, gestures, posture, and body functions, which may cause the face to flush, the heart to pound, or the breathing to become rapid. Changes from one state to another are apparent in manner, appearance, words, and gestures. In the case of the supervisor there were there were three different and distinct personalities in one person; one dominated by feelings like a child, one of self-righteousness and one of perceived reasoning and logical. The cause of such passive-aggressive behaviour in this cause requires further investigation, although the three states of thought exist in all people.
• Most of our energy day after day is used in decision making, and often are expressed in frustration and indecisiveness. In solving either of these difficulties we must recognize that in each decision there are three sets of data to be processed. The first set of data is dominated by feelings, the second self-righteousness, and the third is the feeling of perceived reasoning and logic. Feelings are based on past experiences and represent an external reality as it exists in the present, with a wide range of information accumulated in the past. Thus, we judge and expect rather than deal with the present. These recordings, reinforced through the years of negative experience are a powerful force bearing on a person’s decision. The power of this incoming data lies in its ability to reproduce fear.
• The second set of data is feelings of self-rightfulness and fear. What will happen if he won’t listen to me? You can’t trust these new workers to do what I tell them.” There are realistic difficulties here, but the intensity of the feelings are based on past difficulties stemming from a few years ago. With that assumption of past  experiences and fear it produces the churning stomach and the sweaty hands. The conflict becomes so painful the man becomes withdrawn. The third set of data comes from reality with no concept of reasoning. He simply gives in to whatever situation, thinking the old ways are the best ways. It is human nature for people to not listen. History repeats itself. Let someone else deal with this problem.
• What makes people want to change?
• Three things make people want to change. One is that they had enough pain. They have beat their heads against the same wall so long that they decide they have had enough. They are drug addicts, their ulcers bleed. They have hit the bottom. They bag for relief. They want to change.
• Another thing that make people change is a slow type of despair or boredom until he realizes something must be done and willing to make a change.
• The third thing that makes people want to change is the sudden discovery that they can.
• A simple, and yet, difficult formula.
• Often when a person faces a difficult challenge, they respond by saying “I can’t. “ What they are really saying is I “choose” not to deal with it. The first step is whenever you feel your palms sweating, heart beating fast, head feeling like its spinning, and your thoughts are racing “oh no, what can I do?”  “Why is this person bothering me. ” –
• (a)    Stop for a second long enough to ask yourself why you are giving your power away to something else, and take a little time out for yourself. Step away from the problem that controls you, or if you can’t, take a deep breath and slowly try to relax your muscles.
• (b)   Evaluate. Ask yourself what in the past causes you to act this way and why you are allowing it to control you now when you are supposed to have control over yourself.
• (c)    Be brave, believe in yourself, act with courage and take charge of your own life. There are many organizations who are there to help you, but only if you truly want help.

Coercive sex (rape)

Rape is an emotionally-laden subject surrounded by myths and misunderstandings. While it is defined as a sexual act, it is primarily an expression of violence, anger, or power. Its victims can be male or female, very young, very old, rich, poor, mentally challenged, physically disabled, or able-bodied.  Those who rape are also a diverse group that defies classification.

The word rape comes from a Latin term (rapere) that means to steal, seize, or carry away. In ancient times, rape was one way to procure a wife: a man simply overpowered a desirable woman and then brought her into his tribe. The man then had to protect his property and his honor by preventing others from seizing or raping his wife. This appears to have provided the origins for the first laws against rape in which rape was viewed as crime against property or honour but not against women.

According to the Code of Hammurabi, a set of laws established in Babylonia about 4000 years ago, a man who raped a betrothed virgin was to be put to death. If a man raped a married woman, both the rapist and his victim were regarded as guilty and were executed by drowning. A similar distinction with a slightly different twist was found in biblical injunctions about rape (Deuteronomy 22:22-28): A married woman who was raped was seen as a willing accomplice, so she and her rapist were killed; a virgin was considered guilty only if she was raped in the city, since it was assumed that her screams would have led to her rescue. In contrast, a virgin who was raped in a field outside the city walls was spared, since no one could hear her screaming. If she was betrothed to someone, her rapist was stoned to death – if not, he had to marry her (whether or not she liked this arrangement didn’t seem to matter).

Later laws against rape continued to specify varying circumstances by which rape was judged as more or less serious. Penalties were higher if the woman was a virgin or high social class. Under William the Conqueror (1035-1087), a man who raped a virgin of high social standing was punished by castration and blinding. Guilt, however, was determined by trial by combat, or unless the victim had a champion willing to risk his life by fighting the accused rapist, she had no way of establishing her case.

By the twelfth century, jury trails replaced combat, as a means of determining guilt or innocence.  Yet all were not equal in the eyes of the law: A nobleman or knight could easily blame a rape he committed on one of his men and save his vision and chances for fatherhood. At the end of thirteenth century, two additional changes appeared in English Law concerning rape: the distinction between raping a virgin or a married woman was dropped, and the old custom of penitence through marriage was permanently banned.

Despite the legal system, rape has not always been regarded as bad. In wartime, from thousands of years ago until today, victorious soldiers have raped enemy- women. In literature, rape has sometimes been presented in heroic terms, as Ayn Rand did in The Fountain Head. In society, rape has often been practically defined in terms of the social positions of victim and victimizer: In the 1940s and 1950s for example, a white male was rarely charged with raping a black woman in the south, but a black man charged with raping a white woman was dealt with swiftly and harshly. Even today, in most jurisdictions, a man is unlikely to be charged with raping a prostitute, and forced intercourse between husband and wife does not “count” as rape in many countries.  The last few decades saw a great increase in public awareness of rape. The women’s movement played a major role in this process, raising issues and demanding improvements in services to rape victims.

Forcible rape is far and away the most common form of rape but, there are also several subcategories of forcible rape that can be distinguished, although most of these are not legally defined terms.  The solo rape is carried out by one man acting alone and often occurs in forcible date rape and mate rate. Gang rape is a terrifying form of rape involving two or a group of men, sometimes with a female accomplice, who take turns raping the victim. A rear form of gang rape involves several women raping a man. A more common version of gang rape is a group of men who rape another man rectally. The rape of men by men is infrequent among gay men and usually involves heterosexual men in prison.  There are also women who rape men although it is less reported.

Is it love, lust, or addiction?

The topic of love has been mostly in the province of writers, poets, and philosophers than in the minds of scientists. Even though it has been said that "love makes the world go round," few sexologists have addressed this subject in any detail. Nevertheless, we have all felt love in one way or another.Many of us have dreamed it, struggled with it, or basked in it's pleasures. It is also safe to say than most of us have been confused by it.
Trying to define love is a difficult task. Besides loving a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend,people can love their children, parents, siblings, pets, country, chocolate sundaes, and a favorite sport team. Although the English language has only one word to apply to each of these situations, there are clearly different meanings involved. When we talk about person-to-person love, the simplest definition was expressed; "love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. "  There's a certain love that Shakespeare described in Romeo and Juliet, that popular singers celebrate, and that led Edward VIII  to abdicate the throne of England to marry the woman in his life.
In any type of love, the element of caring about the loved person is essential. Unless genuine caring is present, what looks like love may be just one form of desire. For example, a teenage boy may tell his girlfriend  - "I love you" just to convince her to have sex with him. In other cases, the desire to gain wealth, status, or power may lead a person to pretend to love someone to reach these goals.
Because sexual desire and love may both be passionate and all-consuming, it may be difficult to distinguish between them in terms of intensity. The key feature is the substance behind the feeling. Generally, sexual desire is narrowly focused and easily discharged, and love is a more complex and constant emotion. In pure unadulterated sexual desire, the elements of caring and respect are minimal, perhaps present as an afterthought, but not a central part of the feeling. The desire to know the other person is defined in only a physical or sensual way, not in a spiritual one. The end is easily satisfied. While love may include a passionate yearning for sexual union, respect for the loved one is a primary concern. Without respect and caring, our attraction for another person can only be an imitation of love. Respect allows us to value a loved one's identity and integrity and thus prevents us from selfishly exploiting them. One theory suggests that people can achieve a meaningful type of love only if they have first reached a state of self-realization (feeling secure in one's own identity). This theory defines mature love as "union under the condition of preserving  one's individuality," and noted that the paradox of love is that "beings become one and yet remain two." In speaking about the respect inherent in all love, it is suggested that a lover must feel, "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his/her own sake, and in his/her own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me."
The insistence that people must be self-realized before having a "meaningful" type of love overlooks the fact that love itself can be a way of attaining self-realization.  People have a great capacity to learn about themselves from a love relationship, although it is agreed that love cannot be a substitute for personal identity.
Another interesting view-point on what happens when respect and caring are missing from a love relationship, is that it can lead people to a form of addiction. The resulting "love" is really a dependency relationship.
When a person goes to another to fill a personal void, the relationship quickly becomes a center of his or her life. It offers a solace that contrasts sharply with what the individual finds everywhere else, so that the person returns to the relationship more and more until it is needed to get through each day from otherwise a stressful and unpleasant existence. When a constant exposure in necessary in order to make life bearable, an addiction has been brought about, however romantic the trappings. The ever-present danger of withdrawal creates an ever-present craving.
Several books dealing with problematic love relationships made it into the national best-seller list in the mid 1980's - for example, Women who Love Too Much (Norwood,1985) and Smart Women/Foolish Choices (Cowan and Kinder, 1985). As a result of this shift in emphasis, many people began to realize that not all love relationships are the idealized, perfect unions we'd like them to be. In reality, some are exploited, desperate, or simply unfulfilled. Some scientists believe that "the only real difference  between liking and loving is the depth of our feelings and the degree of our involvement with the other person." On the other hand, it has also been observed that "it seems quite clear that more and more liking for another does not, in the end, lead to romantic love; more and more liking just leads to a lot of liking."  After much thought on the subject it seems that liking and loving, while interrelated, are distinct phenomena.

Language and dreams

Language is momentous and the most mysterious product of the mind. From the first utterance to the least trivial spoken word, there lies a whole chapter of evolution. In language we have the freedom to use symbolism and articulate conceptual thinking. Without language there is no expression of our thoughts. All cultures of humanity have their own complete and articulate language.

Animals on the other hand, express their emotions by suggestion. Their language is restricted to sounds of a general emotional significance. There is no articulate speech in animals; they vocalize sounds in order to communicate. For example, a dog will growl, whine, or bark.  Even primates such as the ape do not have the power of speech. Descriptions of their behavior in research suggest they use sounds only to signify their feelings and perhaps desires. Their vocal expressions of love are symptoms of an emotion, not the name of it, nor any other symbol that it represents. True language begins only when a sound keeps its reference beyond the situation of its instinctive utterance, e.g. when an individual can say not only: “My love, my love!” but also: “He loves me – he loves me not.” Some animals may meet their food with exclamatory sounds but they are more like a cry for “yum, yum!” rather than: “Milk today,”  “meat today,” or “fish today!”  They are sounds of enthusiastic assent, of a specialized emotional reaction; they cannot be used between meals to talk over the merits of the meal.

The prototype of language can only be found in humans. Therefore, it may be supposed that humanity by nature is a linguistic primate. 

If language is born from the profoundly symbolic character of the human mind, it would be logical to believe that the mind tends to operate with symbols far below the level of speech. Previous research has shown that even the subjective record of experiencing the observation of images is not a direct copy of  an actual experience, but has been “projected,” in the process of copying, into a new dimension, the more or less stable form of the picture. It is not the changeable elusiveness of the real visual experience, but a unity and lasting identity that makes it an object of the mind’s possession rather than a sensation. Furthermore, it is a “free” association of the mind in which it can call up images and let them fill the virtual space of vision between us and the real objects, similar to projecting pictures on a screen and being able to dismiss them without altering the course of events. They are our own product, but not part of ourselves as our physical actions are. We privately compare them with our uttered words which can be contemplated but not actually lived.

Images have all the characteristics of symbols. We attend to them only in their capacity of meaning things and not encountered.

The best guarantee of their symbolic function is their tendency to become metaphorical. They are unable to “mean” things that only have a logical analogy to their primary meanings. For example, people consider a rose as a symbol of feminine beauty so readily that it is harder to associate roses with vegetables than with girls. Fire is a natural symbol of life and passion, though it is the one element in which nothing can live. Its mobility and flare, its heat and color, make it an irresistible symbol of all that is living, feeling, and active. Therefore, images are our readiest instruments for abstracting concepts from actual impressions. They are a spontaneous - embodiment of general ideas.

The thing we do with images is to imagine a story; just as the first thing we do with words is to make a statement.

The making of images is the mode of our uneducated thinking, and stories are its earliest product. We think of things happening; we see with the minds’ eye the shoes we would like to buy, and the transaction of buying them. Pictures and stories are the mind’s stock and trade.

Fantasies, like all symbols, are derived from specific experiences. But like the original perception, any item that sticks in the mind is spontaneously abstracted and used symbolically to represent a whole kind of actual happenings. Everything that is perceived is mostly retained in memory and called up in imagination when it occurs again.

The symbolic status of fantasies is genuine by the regularity with which they follow certain basic laws of symbols. Like words and images they tend to convey metaphysical meanings.

Metaphor is the law of growth of every symbol. It is attested by the fact that the lowest products of the brain are metaphorical fantasies which are symbolic of dreams.

Logic of signs and symbols helped Helen Keller

Meaning has both a logical and psychological aspect.  It must be employed as a sign or a symbol to someone and it must be capable of conveying a meaningful purpose. These two aspects, the logical and the psychological can be confused by the use of the ambiguous verb “to mean.”  At times it is proper to say “it means,” and other times “I mean.”  For example, the word “London” does not “mean” a city in the same sense that a person “means” the place.   (When I speak of London, I mean the city).  (London means many things to many people). Both aspects; the logic and the psychological are always present and their interplay produces a great variety of meanings.

There are two distinct functions of terms which have a right to the name “meaning.”  They may be either a sign or a symbol.

A sign indicates the existence of a past, present or future of a thing, event or condition. Wet streets are a sign that it has rained.  A patter on the roof is a sign that it is raining.  A change in the readings of the barometer or a ring round the moon is a sign that it is going to rain. The smell of smoke signifies the presence of fire. They are all natural signs of a greater event.  It is a symptom of a state of affairs.

The logical relation between a sign and its object is that they are associated to form a pair. Each sign corresponds with one definite item which is its object (event) signified. All the rest of the function and signals involves a third term, the subject, which uses the pair of items; and the relationship of the subject to the other two terms. The subject is related to the other two terms as a pair. What characterizes them is the fact that they are paired.  For example, a scratch on a persons’ arm would probably not be interesting enough to even have a name, but such a datum in its relation to the past is noted and called a “scar.”  Note, however, although the subject’s relationship is to the pair of other terms, the person also has a relationship with each one of them individually, which makes one of them the sign and the other the object. The difference between a sign and its object is that they are not interchangeable.

The difference is that the subject for which they constitute a pair  must find one more interesting than the other, and the latter more easily available than the former. If we are interested in tomorrow’s weather for example, the present events coupled with tomorrow’s weather phenomena, are signs for us.  A ring around the moon is not important in itself; but as a visible item coupled with something not yet present has meaning.  If it were not for the subject, the sign and object would be interchangeable.

In nature certain events are correlated so that the less important may be taken as signs of the more important. We may also produce arbitrary events purposely correlated with important ones that are to be their meaning. A whistle means the end of a shift at work, or something is about to start or end. A siren from an ambulance means an emergency. These are artificial signs that are not natural signals. Their logical relation to their objects however, is the same as that of natural signs.

The interpretation of signs is the basis of intelligence in all animals.  In humans both kinds of signals are used to guide practical activities.  We do the same thing all day long. We answer bells, watch the clock, obey warning signals, follow arrows, come at the baby’s cry, and close the window when it rains. The logical basis of all these interpretations show there is no limit to what a sign may mean.

Because a sign may mean so many things we may also misinterpret it. The misinterpretation of signs is the simplest form of mistake. A mistake is the most important form for a purpose because it creates disappointment, which is the simplest form of error and its correlate, the simplest form of knowledge. This is the truest interpretation of signs. It is the most elementary and the most tangible kind of intellect. It has obvious biological uses and equally obvious criteria of truth and falsehood.

In regards to signs and symbols, there is a famous passage in the autobiography of Helen Keller which describes the dawn of language upon her mind. She had used signs before, formed associations, learned to expect things and identify people or places; but there was a great day when the meaning of signs was eclipsed and dwarfed by the discovery that a certain datum in her limited world of sense had explicit meaning that a particular act of her fingers constituted a word. This event had required a long preparation; the child had learned many acts with her fingers, but they were meaningless play. Then one day her teacher took her out to walk  - and there the great advent of language occurred.

“She brought me my hat,” the memoir reads, “and I knew I was going out into the warm sunshine. This thought, if a wordless sensation may be called a thought, made me hop and skip with pleasure.

“We walked down the path to the well-house, attracted by the fragrance of the honeysuckle with which it was covered. Someone was drawing water and my teacher placed my hand under the spout.  As the cool stream gushed over my hand she spelled into the other the word water, first slowly, then rapidly, I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motion of her fingers. Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten – a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that w-a-t-e-r meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free. There were barriers still, it is true, but barriers in time could be swept away.

I left the well-house eager to learn. Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought. As we returned to the house every object which I touched seemed to quiver with life. That was because I saw everything with the strange, new sight that had come to me.”

This passage is the best testimony anyone can give for finding  the  genuine difference between sign and symbol.

Limitations in research (Sexology)

Biases in sex research (and research in general) come from many sources. The treatment success in an uncontrolled clinical trial may be due to the attention paid to subjects and the power of positive suggestion - scientifically known as the placebo effect - rather than the treatment itself. The attitudes and preconceptions of the researcher influence the study methods, the scientific questions asked, and the interpretation of data. Researchers may fail to "see" events that do not match their theoretical view of the problem or they may "see" nonexistent events that neatly fit their model of thought.
Individual characteristics of the researcher such as personality, sex, appearance, friendliness, age, may also cause distortions in the data. For example, a study of sexual function in young spinal cord-injured men used female nurses as interviewers. Therefore, giving rise to the possibility that subjects might have exaggerated their reports of sexual ability to impress the nurse or not to embarrass themselves. It is possible that different information might have been obtained if those conducting the interviews were male. Another example: subjects interviewed by black experimenters may give different answers to questions about racial prejudice than do subjects interviewed by white experimenters, and vice versa.
Questionnaires are useful from the viewpoints of economics and time efficiency. However, they have several limitations. They can be used only with subjects who can read and write; they must be constructed in such a way that respondents do not lose interest  or become fatigued; and there is no opportunity for in-depth examination of the meaning or nuance of answers. Survey studies in general - whether done by questionnaire or interview  - share another limitation: In many cases, the questions asked elicit opinions, attitudes, or perceptions of behaviour, but these do not necessarily reflect the actual behaviour under study. There is nothing wrong with studying attitudes or perceptions, but scientific accuracy is not served confusing fact and feeling.
Observational and experimental studies are usually more expensive and time consuming than surveys. In both of these methods, the setting of the study may influence the observed behaviour. Even after subjects become acclimated to a laboratory environment and the equipment used to monitor or measure their responses, it is unlikely that they will be as relaxed and spontaneous as if they were at home. All observational research in which subjects know that they are being observed exerts some influences on subsequent behaviour. The same is true for experimental  research; subjects may try to respond in ways they believe the experiment "wants" them to or in ways dictated by how they want the experimenter to perceive them. The change in people's behaviour caused by knowing they are in an experiment is called the Hawthorne effect.
Many reports use statistical tests of significance, with significance in this instance meaning a result not likely to have happened by chance. Most commonly, a probability level of 5 per cent or less ( p s .05) is chosen to define significance: this means that the probability of the research findings arising from chance alone is 1 in 20 or less. Although the formulation sounds impressive, results showing statistical significance are not infallible and absolute. More important than such statistics alone are the questions of whether the research design is appropriate, the types of bias minimized, and whether the findings have been independently replicated. When research findings are closely duplicated by a separate investigator using similar methods , it is much safer to conclude the findings are valid.
One cautionary note about replication is important however. If two independent researchers use the same methods and perpetuate the same biases, the conclusions they come to may be identical but may still be wrong. For example, in 1957 a study of gay people had been repeatedly studied from poorly selected samples  taken from prisoners and psychiatric hospitals. The researchers concluded that gay people were often maladjusted and sick. Later studies, without the same sampling bias and outside prisons and psychiatric hospitals came to very different conclusions about gay people.
A research perspective is only one way of looking at they world. It is not the only way and not necessarily the best way. Research is only an approximate way of getting at facts. Studying sex research can be informative but also is knowledge gained from clinical situations, personal experiences, literature, art, and culture. no single perspective on human sexuality has a monopoly on truth.