Is it love, lust, or addiction?

The topic of love has been mostly in the province of writers, poets, and philosophers than in the minds of scientists. Even though it has been said that "love makes the world go round," few sexologists have addressed this subject in any detail. Nevertheless, we have all felt love in one way or another.Many of us have dreamed it, struggled with it, or basked in it's pleasures. It is also safe to say than most of us have been confused by it.
Trying to define love is a difficult task. Besides loving a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend,people can love their children, parents, siblings, pets, country, chocolate sundaes, and a favorite sport team. Although the English language has only one word to apply to each of these situations, there are clearly different meanings involved. When we talk about person-to-person love, the simplest definition was expressed; "love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. "  There's a certain love that Shakespeare described in Romeo and Juliet, that popular singers celebrate, and that led Edward VIII  to abdicate the throne of England to marry the woman in his life.
In any type of love, the element of caring about the loved person is essential. Unless genuine caring is present, what looks like love may be just one form of desire. For example, a teenage boy may tell his girlfriend  - "I love you" just to convince her to have sex with him. In other cases, the desire to gain wealth, status, or power may lead a person to pretend to love someone to reach these goals.
Because sexual desire and love may both be passionate and all-consuming, it may be difficult to distinguish between them in terms of intensity. The key feature is the substance behind the feeling. Generally, sexual desire is narrowly focused and easily discharged, and love is a more complex and constant emotion. In pure unadulterated sexual desire, the elements of caring and respect are minimal, perhaps present as an afterthought, but not a central part of the feeling. The desire to know the other person is defined in only a physical or sensual way, not in a spiritual one. The end is easily satisfied. While love may include a passionate yearning for sexual union, respect for the loved one is a primary concern. Without respect and caring, our attraction for another person can only be an imitation of love. Respect allows us to value a loved one's identity and integrity and thus prevents us from selfishly exploiting them. One theory suggests that people can achieve a meaningful type of love only if they have first reached a state of self-realization (feeling secure in one's own identity). This theory defines mature love as "union under the condition of preserving  one's individuality," and noted that the paradox of love is that "beings become one and yet remain two." In speaking about the respect inherent in all love, it is suggested that a lover must feel, "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his/her own sake, and in his/her own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me."
The insistence that people must be self-realized before having a "meaningful" type of love overlooks the fact that love itself can be a way of attaining self-realization.  People have a great capacity to learn about themselves from a love relationship, although it is agreed that love cannot be a substitute for personal identity.
Another interesting view-point on what happens when respect and caring are missing from a love relationship, is that it can lead people to a form of addiction. The resulting "love" is really a dependency relationship.
When a person goes to another to fill a personal void, the relationship quickly becomes a center of his or her life. It offers a solace that contrasts sharply with what the individual finds everywhere else, so that the person returns to the relationship more and more until it is needed to get through each day from otherwise a stressful and unpleasant existence. When a constant exposure in necessary in order to make life bearable, an addiction has been brought about, however romantic the trappings. The ever-present danger of withdrawal creates an ever-present craving.
Several books dealing with problematic love relationships made it into the national best-seller list in the mid 1980's - for example, Women who Love Too Much (Norwood,1985) and Smart Women/Foolish Choices (Cowan and Kinder, 1985). As a result of this shift in emphasis, many people began to realize that not all love relationships are the idealized, perfect unions we'd like them to be. In reality, some are exploited, desperate, or simply unfulfilled. Some scientists believe that "the only real difference  between liking and loving is the depth of our feelings and the degree of our involvement with the other person." On the other hand, it has also been observed that "it seems quite clear that more and more liking for another does not, in the end, lead to romantic love; more and more liking just leads to a lot of liking."  After much thought on the subject it seems that liking and loving, while interrelated, are distinct phenomena.

Language and dreams

Language is momentous and the most mysterious product of the mind. From the first utterance to the least trivial spoken word, there lies a whole chapter of evolution. In language we have the freedom to use symbolism and articulate conceptual thinking. Without language there is no expression of our thoughts. All cultures of humanity have their own complete and articulate language.

Animals on the other hand, express their emotions by suggestion. Their language is restricted to sounds of a general emotional significance. There is no articulate speech in animals; they vocalize sounds in order to communicate. For example, a dog will growl, whine, or bark.  Even primates such as the ape do not have the power of speech. Descriptions of their behavior in research suggest they use sounds only to signify their feelings and perhaps desires. Their vocal expressions of love are symptoms of an emotion, not the name of it, nor any other symbol that it represents. True language begins only when a sound keeps its reference beyond the situation of its instinctive utterance, e.g. when an individual can say not only: “My love, my love!” but also: “He loves me – he loves me not.” Some animals may meet their food with exclamatory sounds but they are more like a cry for “yum, yum!” rather than: “Milk today,”  “meat today,” or “fish today!”  They are sounds of enthusiastic assent, of a specialized emotional reaction; they cannot be used between meals to talk over the merits of the meal.

The prototype of language can only be found in humans. Therefore, it may be supposed that humanity by nature is a linguistic primate. 

If language is born from the profoundly symbolic character of the human mind, it would be logical to believe that the mind tends to operate with symbols far below the level of speech. Previous research has shown that even the subjective record of experiencing the observation of images is not a direct copy of  an actual experience, but has been “projected,” in the process of copying, into a new dimension, the more or less stable form of the picture. It is not the changeable elusiveness of the real visual experience, but a unity and lasting identity that makes it an object of the mind’s possession rather than a sensation. Furthermore, it is a “free” association of the mind in which it can call up images and let them fill the virtual space of vision between us and the real objects, similar to projecting pictures on a screen and being able to dismiss them without altering the course of events. They are our own product, but not part of ourselves as our physical actions are. We privately compare them with our uttered words which can be contemplated but not actually lived.

Images have all the characteristics of symbols. We attend to them only in their capacity of meaning things and not encountered.

The best guarantee of their symbolic function is their tendency to become metaphorical. They are unable to “mean” things that only have a logical analogy to their primary meanings. For example, people consider a rose as a symbol of feminine beauty so readily that it is harder to associate roses with vegetables than with girls. Fire is a natural symbol of life and passion, though it is the one element in which nothing can live. Its mobility and flare, its heat and color, make it an irresistible symbol of all that is living, feeling, and active. Therefore, images are our readiest instruments for abstracting concepts from actual impressions. They are a spontaneous - embodiment of general ideas.

The thing we do with images is to imagine a story; just as the first thing we do with words is to make a statement.

The making of images is the mode of our uneducated thinking, and stories are its earliest product. We think of things happening; we see with the minds’ eye the shoes we would like to buy, and the transaction of buying them. Pictures and stories are the mind’s stock and trade.

Fantasies, like all symbols, are derived from specific experiences. But like the original perception, any item that sticks in the mind is spontaneously abstracted and used symbolically to represent a whole kind of actual happenings. Everything that is perceived is mostly retained in memory and called up in imagination when it occurs again.

The symbolic status of fantasies is genuine by the regularity with which they follow certain basic laws of symbols. Like words and images they tend to convey metaphysical meanings.

Metaphor is the law of growth of every symbol. It is attested by the fact that the lowest products of the brain are metaphorical fantasies which are symbolic of dreams.

Logic of signs and symbols helped Helen Keller

Meaning has both a logical and psychological aspect.  It must be employed as a sign or a symbol to someone and it must be capable of conveying a meaningful purpose. These two aspects, the logical and the psychological can be confused by the use of the ambiguous verb “to mean.”  At times it is proper to say “it means,” and other times “I mean.”  For example, the word “London” does not “mean” a city in the same sense that a person “means” the place.   (When I speak of London, I mean the city).  (London means many things to many people). Both aspects; the logic and the psychological are always present and their interplay produces a great variety of meanings.

There are two distinct functions of terms which have a right to the name “meaning.”  They may be either a sign or a symbol.

A sign indicates the existence of a past, present or future of a thing, event or condition. Wet streets are a sign that it has rained.  A patter on the roof is a sign that it is raining.  A change in the readings of the barometer or a ring round the moon is a sign that it is going to rain. The smell of smoke signifies the presence of fire. They are all natural signs of a greater event.  It is a symptom of a state of affairs.

The logical relation between a sign and its object is that they are associated to form a pair. Each sign corresponds with one definite item which is its object (event) signified. All the rest of the function and signals involves a third term, the subject, which uses the pair of items; and the relationship of the subject to the other two terms. The subject is related to the other two terms as a pair. What characterizes them is the fact that they are paired.  For example, a scratch on a persons’ arm would probably not be interesting enough to even have a name, but such a datum in its relation to the past is noted and called a “scar.”  Note, however, although the subject’s relationship is to the pair of other terms, the person also has a relationship with each one of them individually, which makes one of them the sign and the other the object. The difference between a sign and its object is that they are not interchangeable.

The difference is that the subject for which they constitute a pair  must find one more interesting than the other, and the latter more easily available than the former. If we are interested in tomorrow’s weather for example, the present events coupled with tomorrow’s weather phenomena, are signs for us.  A ring around the moon is not important in itself; but as a visible item coupled with something not yet present has meaning.  If it were not for the subject, the sign and object would be interchangeable.

In nature certain events are correlated so that the less important may be taken as signs of the more important. We may also produce arbitrary events purposely correlated with important ones that are to be their meaning. A whistle means the end of a shift at work, or something is about to start or end. A siren from an ambulance means an emergency. These are artificial signs that are not natural signals. Their logical relation to their objects however, is the same as that of natural signs.

The interpretation of signs is the basis of intelligence in all animals.  In humans both kinds of signals are used to guide practical activities.  We do the same thing all day long. We answer bells, watch the clock, obey warning signals, follow arrows, come at the baby’s cry, and close the window when it rains. The logical basis of all these interpretations show there is no limit to what a sign may mean.

Because a sign may mean so many things we may also misinterpret it. The misinterpretation of signs is the simplest form of mistake. A mistake is the most important form for a purpose because it creates disappointment, which is the simplest form of error and its correlate, the simplest form of knowledge. This is the truest interpretation of signs. It is the most elementary and the most tangible kind of intellect. It has obvious biological uses and equally obvious criteria of truth and falsehood.

In regards to signs and symbols, there is a famous passage in the autobiography of Helen Keller which describes the dawn of language upon her mind. She had used signs before, formed associations, learned to expect things and identify people or places; but there was a great day when the meaning of signs was eclipsed and dwarfed by the discovery that a certain datum in her limited world of sense had explicit meaning that a particular act of her fingers constituted a word. This event had required a long preparation; the child had learned many acts with her fingers, but they were meaningless play. Then one day her teacher took her out to walk  - and there the great advent of language occurred.

“She brought me my hat,” the memoir reads, “and I knew I was going out into the warm sunshine. This thought, if a wordless sensation may be called a thought, made me hop and skip with pleasure.

“We walked down the path to the well-house, attracted by the fragrance of the honeysuckle with which it was covered. Someone was drawing water and my teacher placed my hand under the spout.  As the cool stream gushed over my hand she spelled into the other the word water, first slowly, then rapidly, I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motion of her fingers. Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten – a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that w-a-t-e-r meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free. There were barriers still, it is true, but barriers in time could be swept away.

I left the well-house eager to learn. Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought. As we returned to the house every object which I touched seemed to quiver with life. That was because I saw everything with the strange, new sight that had come to me.”

This passage is the best testimony anyone can give for finding  the  genuine difference between sign and symbol.

Limitations in research (Sexology)

Biases in sex research (and research in general) come from many sources. The treatment success in an uncontrolled clinical trial may be due to the attention paid to subjects and the power of positive suggestion - scientifically known as the placebo effect - rather than the treatment itself. The attitudes and preconceptions of the researcher influence the study methods, the scientific questions asked, and the interpretation of data. Researchers may fail to "see" events that do not match their theoretical view of the problem or they may "see" nonexistent events that neatly fit their model of thought.
Individual characteristics of the researcher such as personality, sex, appearance, friendliness, age, may also cause distortions in the data. For example, a study of sexual function in young spinal cord-injured men used female nurses as interviewers. Therefore, giving rise to the possibility that subjects might have exaggerated their reports of sexual ability to impress the nurse or not to embarrass themselves. It is possible that different information might have been obtained if those conducting the interviews were male. Another example: subjects interviewed by black experimenters may give different answers to questions about racial prejudice than do subjects interviewed by white experimenters, and vice versa.
Questionnaires are useful from the viewpoints of economics and time efficiency. However, they have several limitations. They can be used only with subjects who can read and write; they must be constructed in such a way that respondents do not lose interest  or become fatigued; and there is no opportunity for in-depth examination of the meaning or nuance of answers. Survey studies in general - whether done by questionnaire or interview  - share another limitation: In many cases, the questions asked elicit opinions, attitudes, or perceptions of behaviour, but these do not necessarily reflect the actual behaviour under study. There is nothing wrong with studying attitudes or perceptions, but scientific accuracy is not served confusing fact and feeling.
Observational and experimental studies are usually more expensive and time consuming than surveys. In both of these methods, the setting of the study may influence the observed behaviour. Even after subjects become acclimated to a laboratory environment and the equipment used to monitor or measure their responses, it is unlikely that they will be as relaxed and spontaneous as if they were at home. All observational research in which subjects know that they are being observed exerts some influences on subsequent behaviour. The same is true for experimental  research; subjects may try to respond in ways they believe the experiment "wants" them to or in ways dictated by how they want the experimenter to perceive them. The change in people's behaviour caused by knowing they are in an experiment is called the Hawthorne effect.
Many reports use statistical tests of significance, with significance in this instance meaning a result not likely to have happened by chance. Most commonly, a probability level of 5 per cent or less ( p s .05) is chosen to define significance: this means that the probability of the research findings arising from chance alone is 1 in 20 or less. Although the formulation sounds impressive, results showing statistical significance are not infallible and absolute. More important than such statistics alone are the questions of whether the research design is appropriate, the types of bias minimized, and whether the findings have been independently replicated. When research findings are closely duplicated by a separate investigator using similar methods , it is much safer to conclude the findings are valid.
One cautionary note about replication is important however. If two independent researchers use the same methods and perpetuate the same biases, the conclusions they come to may be identical but may still be wrong. For example, in 1957 a study of gay people had been repeatedly studied from poorly selected samples  taken from prisoners and psychiatric hospitals. The researchers concluded that gay people were often maladjusted and sick. Later studies, without the same sampling bias and outside prisons and psychiatric hospitals came to very different conclusions about gay people.
A research perspective is only one way of looking at they world. It is not the only way and not necessarily the best way. Research is only an approximate way of getting at facts. Studying sex research can be informative but also is knowledge gained from clinical situations, personal experiences, literature, art, and culture. no single perspective on human sexuality has a monopoly on truth.

Their new title linked them with Biblical heros.

Rutherford, as an able executive, seized a new name for the followers of Russell. The International Bible Students Association, now, became the Jehovah's Witnesses. It gave them blood relationship to Abraham, who was prepared to slay his own son in order to testify that he was a faithful witness. Their new name identified them with Noah,Moses, David, Daniel, and Isaiah. Wherever the word "witness" appeared in the Bible, they saw their prototype. Associated with such a group of immortals, Rutherford's edict built a religious organization that claimed to rule with divine authority. At his headquarters in Brooklyn, New York, he established a Bible College with dormitories, dining rooms, bookstores, and a printing press operated by a staff without salary. The new organization laboured day and night, witnessing and fighting against time, calling out God's anointed people before the fearful day of Armageddon. They canvassed all over the country. Not a single house was missed. Every family could expect a rap on the door. Slammed doors and other insults were signs of a promise that there would be persecution for righteousness sake. They believed ridicule was proof that the Lord wanted them to be punished as verification of his love, and, that people feared "the truth." Rutherford's apostles relentlessly continued witnessing without salary and any form of reward. They only excepted that the end of the world will endorse their claims. On that day it is believed, they will stand up boldly before Jehovah and say, "we have been obedient to the heavenly vision." Slowly against great odds, the Witnesses were accepted by the institutionalized churches as a contemporary movement which was here to stay.They called their meeting places "Kingdom Halls" so as not to be defiled by the word "church" or "chapel." Their services consisted of a thorough study of lessons prepared and published at the Brooklyn headquarters where a president and a board of directors worked with Biblical scholars to construct the teaching. Every moment of the day the Brooklyn presses piled up staggering production figures of millions of books and magazines bearing as their dedication: "To Jehovah and His Messiah." They believe Jehovah's people must be different from the rest of the world. No one can outquote them when it comes to Scripture. Their references from the Holy Writ comes from their own Biblical teachings which must be received without question and with eager passion. Peter in his second epistle stated "...the heavens shall passaway with a great noise, the elements shall melt with fervent heat; the earth also, and the works that are therein, shall be burned up." The new witnesses were given this warning. "You, therefore, beloved ones, having this advance knowledge, be on your guard that you may not be led away..." So say 2 Peter: 17, and so say the Jehovah's Witnesses today.

Russell, Jehovah, and world of devils

Russell felt he had divine authority from God to remove the provisions of specific church law. His theories were based on three dispensations: the first extended from the time of creation to the time of Noah; the second from the time of Noah to the death and resurrection of Christ; his third theory is from the resurrection to the year 1914, at which time, Pastor Russell predicted, the souls of those that sleep will arise and be judged. His followers interpreted his remarks to mean that the end of the world would come in 1914. The movement grew until the dawn of the 20th century. His Watch Tower magazine was their mouthpiece, his studies in the Scripturestheir texts, and his organization,spreading over the world, was known as the "International Bible Students Association." The year 1914 became their target date for the end of the world and for a moment it seemed that Russell's prophecy was terrifyingly true. On June 28,1914, an unknown Serbian terrorist in Sarajevo, Bosnia, killed the Austrian Archduke Ferdinand and plunged Europe into war. The Jehovah Witnesses declared it was the beginning of the end. The assassination caused nation to rise against nation, just as the Scriptures had predicted, and a cry of "Armageddon!" swept through apocalyptic ranks. The International Bible Students were besieged with converts and in addition, the most skeptical theologians wondered whether Pastor Russell might actually have had divine inside information. The war escalated, but the year was running out which led the followers of Russell to say, perhaps there had been a slight miscalculation.A difference of a couple of years, what did it matter? When the hostilities in the Middle East became a focal point with fighting in Jerusalem, no more telling signs were needed. Apocalyptic believers have always affirmed that the final slaughter would take place in the Holy Land. The Witnesses watched and waited as the world dragged on throughout the years of carnage without the intervention from a cosmic power. On October 31, 1916, Pastor Russell passed away and his prophecies remained unfulfilled. However, his devotees found a reason for the prophicies not being fulfilled. They now claim the end of the world had actually begun in 1914 but mankind was not yet fully aware of it. They insisted that Christ entered His kingdom, had subdued the forces of Satan and driven the unseen hosts of devils out of their invisible habitat once and for all. They claim the reason for the troubles in the world such as deterioration of world culture,rise in crime,a trend toward world unrest and war, could be found in the fact that devils which had once lived in the land of a spiritual realm now lived on earth among the children of men, as retribution for man's sins. As this supposition grew, a new and forceful leader arose in the oerson of J.F.Rutherford, a judge in the 14th Judicial District of Missouri. He was forty-seven years old when his spiritual teacher, Pastor Russellhad died.

The apocalypse, the rapture, and the believers pt.1

The belief that the world is coming to an end has tormented the mind of humanity ever since the first mysterious darkening of the sun during an eclipse, the first earthquake, the first volcanic eruption, and the first great flood. From 2 million BC to 10,000 BC,the first humans gouged out shelters in the rock and hilly cliffs and they sought refuge in caves against the day when the gods would destroy everything on the earth. Apocalyptic believers assumed that there will be a thousand years where they will be living in great happiness, peace and prosperity. Such probing into the future of this old world's fate, caught the imagination of religions from the ancient Aztecs to the equally ancient Zoroastrians. At the time of the Babylonian exile, some 600, years before the birth of Christ, the Hebrew people believed their God of righteousness would eventually triumph over the forces of evil. The Hebrew prophets - Daniel, Enoch, Moses, Baruch-sustained their people in the darkest hours with the light of apocalyptic hope. It was the Christians however, who gave the apocalypse its greatest emphasis.The apocalyptic writings of Daniel, Ezekiel and the Book of Revelation became the texts for a timetable in which men claimed to read the mind of God. Nor did the followers of Christ think it strange or curious that they, the most enlightened among the seekers after truth, without question taught that one day the world will end. Awed by the far-seeing eyes of their apocalyptic prophets, the early Christians pinned their messianic hope on Christ.He was their God of the Apocalypse. Less than two hundred years after His death, apocalyptic groups were flourishing wherever Christianity was preached. There were for example, the Montanists, followers of the "pagan" priest, Montanus, who had been converted to Christianity after serving for many years in the temple of Cybele (Aphrodite).He claimed he had a vision in which the Lord revealed to him that men were living in the latter days. Frequently seized by the spirit, Montanus proclaimed in a loud voice that the days were numbered. Virgins followed him, wearing heavy veils so that no man could see their faces until Jesus came and first looked on them. Wives lived apart from their husbands so that the Lord would find them pure. Men gave up all their worldly goods so so that they might meet God empty handed. Secular education, science, art, and worldly pleasures were renounced, and Montanism became a movement of fasting and prayer. Pilgrimages were made to the Phrygian hills (ancient country in Asia Minor)to wait the coming of the Lord. In the third century other enthusiasts grouped themselves around Novatian, a Roman priest, labeled a heretic, who preached that the second coming of Christ was imminent and that the church had better prepare itself and warn its people.Great crowds followed Novatian as others had followed Montanus, chanting their favorite prayer, "come, Lord Christ, clothed in all thy wrath and judgement, come with all Thy vengeance, come."