Coping with stress and work

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• There are times when we look around ourselves and we recognize that various parts of our character have different personalities. We can do goodness, or we can choose to cause harm to others. It is a choice we make in our day-to-day communications or transaction. This transaction occurs when two or more people encounter each other…sooner or later one person will speak, or give some other indication of acknowledging the presence of the others. The person will then say something or do something which is in some way related to the original speaker. This form of transactional analysis suggests “I do something to you and you do something back,” it also determines which part of the personality the first speaker is using and how it can influence others for good or bad. For example, you are on a new job and your new supervisor tells you that there are certain things expected of you, and if you don’t follow the rules you are fired. The next day a colleague of the supervisor keeps watching you as you work without offering an explanation. Although you arrive bright and early for work, your supervisor accuses you of being late because you were not seen by him. The third day you’re told by the supervisor’s friend you are no longer required for work.
• In the form of Transactional Analysis we can organize the information derived from such behaviour and see the good or negative results the person projects. As you watch and listen to people you can see them change. There are simultaneous changes in facial expression, vocabulary, gestures, posture, and body functions, which may cause the face to flush, the heart to pound, or the breathing to become rapid. Changes from one state to another are apparent in manner, appearance, words, and gestures. In the case of the supervisor there were there were three different and distinct personalities in one person; one dominated by feelings like a child, one of self-righteousness and one of perceived reasoning and logical. The cause of such passive-aggressive behaviour in this cause requires further investigation, although the three states of thought exist in all people.
• Most of our energy day after day is used in decision making, and often are expressed in frustration and indecisiveness. In solving either of these difficulties we must recognize that in each decision there are three sets of data to be processed. The first set of data is dominated by feelings, the second self-righteousness, and the third is the feeling of perceived reasoning and logic. Feelings are based on past experiences and represent an external reality as it exists in the present, with a wide range of information accumulated in the past. Thus, we judge and expect rather than deal with the present. These recordings, reinforced through the years of negative experience are a powerful force bearing on a person’s decision. The power of this incoming data lies in its ability to reproduce fear.
• The second set of data is feelings of self-rightfulness and fear. What will happen if he won’t listen to me? You can’t trust these new workers to do what I tell them.” There are realistic difficulties here, but the intensity of the feelings are based on past difficulties stemming from a few years ago. With that assumption of past  experiences and fear it produces the churning stomach and the sweaty hands. The conflict becomes so painful the man becomes withdrawn. The third set of data comes from reality with no concept of reasoning. He simply gives in to whatever situation, thinking the old ways are the best ways. It is human nature for people to not listen. History repeats itself. Let someone else deal with this problem.
• What makes people want to change?
• Three things make people want to change. One is that they had enough pain. They have beat their heads against the same wall so long that they decide they have had enough. They are drug addicts, their ulcers bleed. They have hit the bottom. They bag for relief. They want to change.
• Another thing that make people change is a slow type of despair or boredom until he realizes something must be done and willing to make a change.
• The third thing that makes people want to change is the sudden discovery that they can.
• A simple, and yet, difficult formula.
• Often when a person faces a difficult challenge, they respond by saying “I can’t. “ What they are really saying is I “choose” not to deal with it. The first step is whenever you feel your palms sweating, heart beating fast, head feeling like its spinning, and your thoughts are racing “oh no, what can I do?”  “Why is this person bothering me. ” –
• (a)    Stop for a second long enough to ask yourself why you are giving your power away to something else, and take a little time out for yourself. Step away from the problem that controls you, or if you can’t, take a deep breath and slowly try to relax your muscles.
• (b)   Evaluate. Ask yourself what in the past causes you to act this way and why you are allowing it to control you now when you are supposed to have control over yourself.
• (c)    Be brave, believe in yourself, act with courage and take charge of your own life. There are many organizations who are there to help you, but only if you truly want help.